Diary of a Mad Cyberfreebie Hunter

By Kathryn Lively

You know my type. I circle the aisles at Costco, looking to swoop on that last free sample of miniature bagel pizza. I leap with excitement whenever a free mini-box of cereal or a downsized shampoo bottle shows up in my mailbox. And I can't even begin to tell you how many home shows I've attended just to collect key chains, pencils, and wooden rulers bearing the logos of insurance companies and banks. Yes, I'm ready to come clean. I'm a free stuff junkie.

For people like me, the Internet is the greatest thing since free samples of sliced bread. For starters, the Web gives me plenty of new aisles to roam in search of more free goodies. But here's the best part: Online-savvy people like you and me have become a hot demographic commodity for marketing mavens. So they tend to be extra generous with their goodies to keep us hooked.

Just how much can you rake in in your quest for online freebies? There's only one way to find out. Join me as I spend one day scavenging the Internet's riches. We'll be going for everything from doodads, tchotchkes, and trinkets to truly valuable services and contest offers. We'll tally up the take at the end of the day, to see if I made it into a new tax bracket.

Ah, there's the familiar cat-struck-by-a-car screech of the Hayes-compatible modem. It's time to trick and treat.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice (and Free!)

7:30 a.m.

My head is still spinning from last night's IRC excursion, and I wonder if I'll be able to make it through the day intact. Perhaps some over-the-Web-counter stimulants will help. A quick trip to Up-Time (http://www.up-time.com/) should better prepare me for marathon Internet browsing. Up-Time gives away variety packets of all-natural tablets that promise to erase the morning blahs, raise energy levels, and calm down your body after a stressful day's work.

Life Extension International (http://www2.cy-net.net/~lowery/health/) will happily part with some sample herbal tea tablets for weight loss, and Wow! tablets for energy boosts. Vivarin (http://www.vivarin.com/)-where every witty online test leads you to a freebie form-offers samples of its "alertness aid," which I'll definitely need if I continue burning up modem lines into the wee hours of the night. While at Vivarin, you can also enter your Web page in Vivarin's Home Page Contest; first prize is a cool $10,000!

8:00 a.m.

Energy pills are nice novelties, but they're not a replacement for breakfast-or even for sugar, which some nutritionists would argue falls into a class by itself. I better hightail it to the Jelly Belly site (http://www.jellybelly.com); only the first 500 people to visit the site each day receive a free package of 8 to 10 delicious gourmet jelly beans.

8:15 a.m.

Black coffee. Blech! I have to enhance the flavor of this sludge. It's time to hop over to New Zealand-based Wise Whey Corp. (http://www.zeal.co.nz/index.html), maker of Zeal, a powdered, whey-based milk substitute that's more healthful than cow's milk. Wise Whey has so much confidence in Zeal that its willing to airmail a sample cup to anyone in the United States who fills out their online questionnaire.

8:25 a.m.

I have an even better idea-I'll chuck the bland java I've been drinking for something more exotic, such as the products offered by The Volcano Coffee Company (http://www1.tpgi.com.au/samples/sampsite/default.htm). Supply an address, and Volcano will send you a sample of either its Kona Roast, Mo'a Mana, or Coffee of the Month blend, in addition to a free monthly newsletter with discount offers and coupons.

8:40 a.m.

It's a strange phenomenon, but coffee makes you thirsty. Let's zip on over to the site for Orbitz (http://www.orbitz.com/), a bizarre beverage available wherever fruit-flavored carbonated sodas with tiny suspended gelatinous spheroids are sold. Couldn't find any free soda samples, but they did offer a free Orbitz screensaver for downloading.

9:18 a.m.

Just happened to catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and it's not a pretty sight. My skin has that pasty glow that's common among those whose eyes are perpetually glued to PC monitors. It's time to get some complimentary face paint. First stop is the Revlon Site (http://www.revlon.com), which offers small-very small-samples of Revlon wares in addition to a $2 product coupon and a copy of the "Revlon Report."

As anxious as I am to receive Revlon products, I really want immediate freebie satisfaction, so I make a beeline to Clinique (http://www.clinique.com). First choose the link to the free item you most desire. Now enter your name and e-mail address, and the site will return a ready-to-print gift certificate, which you can present at your local Macy's, Neiman Marcus, or Saks Fifth Avenue. (OK, it's not immediate, but it justifies my next trip to the mall.) While your certificate is printing, you can answer a survey for a complimentary Clinique "color" consultation.

9:40 a.m.

Searching for other free edibles, I stumble across Naturally Nuts and Fruity Too! (http://members.aol.com/nnuts/nnuts.htm). This company, which sells all-natural dried fruits, posts only product descriptions and ordering information on its site. However, for the price of two postage stamps, you can send a SASE in for free samples. This site relies on rather large graphics of dried apples, persimmons, and kiwis to give you an idea of the sample you'll receive. I'm getting hungry just thinking about this special delivery.

10:20 a.m.

OK, I've filled up on something sweets-now for some spice. I know I can find it at Oregon-based Mister Deez Distribution Center (http://www.open.org/mrdeez/misterdz.htm), a company that handles food distribution for hotels and grocery stores. Mister Deez offers a sample of 1 of 10 different flavors of beef and ham jerky just for signing its guest book.

10:25 a.m.

Hey! My neighbor is making her famous "all-day" jambalaya again. Mmm... jambalaya. It's been a while since I've had a hot bowl of Cajun spiciness, so I'll check out Tony Chachere's Seasoning site (http://www.cajunspice.com) and fill out the survey form to receive a complimentary envelope of Tony's special Cajun/Creole seasoning. If the weather stays this cold for the next few weeks, I could get the spice in the mail and have a nice New Orleans-style dinner for Valentine's Day.

Services With a Smile

10:45 a.m.

After losing my connection several times due to time-outs, I download my e-mail, and find a translated message from the Globalink Translator Site (http://www.globalink.com/xlate.html). This terrific free service automatically translates e-mail messages of up to 500 words-such as the e-letter I received from my second cousin in Sicily. Services include translation from Spanish, French, German, or Italian to English (or vice versa). Simply relay your message to Globalink through its online form, and results wind up in your in-box within 24 hours!

10:50 a.m.

My e-mail out-box is beginning to pile up like that candy conveyor belt on "I Love Lucy." Maybe I should consider a second mailbox from Juno (http://www.juno.com). Thanks to an abundance of advertising dollars, Juno is able to offer free e-mail service to anyone who runs Windows (Mac software will be available soon). I could use a spare mailbox to handle my freelance projects, so I offer Juno my snail mail address. Once the software shows up, maybe I won't need Ricky and Ethyl to bail me out anymore!

11:30 a.m.

Brunch is a bowl of cold Spaghetti-O's that I'm too lazy to heat in the microwave (hey, where's that beef jerky?). It's strange: I'm too lazy to cook, but I'll spend hour after hour constructing a Web page complete with animation, a counter, a guest book, and links to every Webzine that has been gracious enough to publish my work. Fortunately, Geocities (http://www.geocities.com) will host my Web page-even with all of its doodads-as long as I'm willing to move into the Geocities "community" and adhere to their cyberzoning regulations. All it costs are those precious few seconds it takes to register an ID and password.

Members of Geocities can also receive a free e-mail account-and this account is awarded instantly after registration, too, unlike Juno's service. Geocities members with popular Web sites also qualify for GeoRewards, a program offering free prizes, such as computer hardware and "softwear" (T-shirts, caps, etc.), redeemable with points awarded for performing various community services for the landlord.

So I sign up for everything available. I now have a new e-mail account at katgrrl@geocities.com and an online resume and poetry book at http://www.geocities.com/SoHo/1276/index.html. I make a mental note to transfer all of my mailing list subscriptions to my shiny new inbox.

12:15 p.m.

In the midst of typing a long URL it hits me-once again I missed my in-laws' wedding anniversary! It was a big one, too, one of those double digits ending in five or zero or something. This never would have happened if I had signed up for that Internet Reminder Service (http://www.novator.com/Remind/). Well, I'm going to amend my error, and fill out the online form with all of the birthdays and anniversaries and other important days of which I want the service to remind me. (I can even put in a reminder about changing the clocks to and from Daylight Savings Time, which will save my mother two phone calls a year.) Warnings come through the e-mail 10 days before each special day. That should give me plenty of time to find a suitable greeting card.

Scratch that, just found the perfect card ... on the Web! KMMC Multimedia Greeting Cards (http://kmmc.harvard.net/link101.htm) offers free online cards suitable for birthdays, graduation, and other occasions to download and send to anyone with Internet access and a Windows-compatible system. Why should I bother sending a store-bought placard through snail mail when I can send one of several cards from KMMC's More Than Words... line-with bold colors and text, watermark backgrounds, and sound! All I have to do is download the proper .EXE file, attach it to an e-mail message, and I'm done before the mailman has time to reach into his bag. Sure beats paying five bucks for one of those hokey musical greeting cards-and you don't have to worry about it getting scrunched in the mail.

12:48 p.m.

Miracle of miracles, another e-mail message gets through the murky connection leading to my mailbox. This one is a job posting forwarded to one of my mailing lists. Good pay, good benefits ... I might just apply for this one. I'll send a fax using the free fax service at The Phone Company's site (http://www2.cic.net/~davidb/vas/telecom/freefax.html). I supply the fax number, the name of the person I wish to fax, and a cut-and-paste version of my resume, send it to TPC via the special e-mail address provided, and soon my job application will be buzzing through a major corporation's facsimile machine.

1:05 p.m.

Quick break from the Web while I scan my subscribed newsgroups. Seems nobody who posts to rec.arts.books can answer my query about when Jean Auel's next installment in the Earth's Children series will be published, so it looks as if I'll have to take my query to a higher source. I stop by the Amazon.com online Bookstore (http://www.amazon.com) and register for Amazon Eyes, a free service within the bookstore that, like the Internet Reminder Service, sends e-mail regarding requested announcements. In Amazon's case, e-mail messages concern the newest releases from favorite authors. You don't have to buy any books from the site in order to get the free service, though Amazon.com offers substantial discounts on books and a vast inventory.

1:22 p.m.

Drat. The phone's ringing. I've got to log off the Net to take the call.

My husband is the culprit distracting me from the pursuit of freebies, but at least he had a hot tip. He let me know that the national consumer opinion group (of which we are members) now has a Web site. National Family Opinion (http://www.nfo-interactive.com) is an international marketing company dedicated to consumer research. You know those people who lurk around the mall food courts carrying clipboards and asking shoppers to take surveys? Well, NFO is like that, only less annoying and working on a much larger scale. Sometimes NFO will send us a simple Q & A sheet, other times they will send products for us to sample and evaluate.

As compensation for participating in NFO surveys-which range from questions about frozen pizza to purchasing automobiles-my husband and I have in the past received nice gifts-including a stocked, miniature lazy-Susan of cooking spices-or cash incentives ($5 for some of the more involved surveys). I furiously fill out the current survey and cross my fingers for a worthwhile prize.

Searching for Ed McMahon

2:12 p.m.

All right, enough of this digging for small potatoes. I'm ready for some real heavy-hitting freebies. Big stuff, expensive stuff, stuff I wouldn't normally buy due to mounting debt that always seems to take precedence over luxury. Unfortunately, I may have wasted too much time over at the Jose Cuervo site (http://www.cuervo.com) which, though aesthetically pleasing with its brightly colored backgrounds and animated flying volleyballs, leaves me impatient. Click on the blenders, match three critters, and win a free T-shirt. A fun idea, but it's not as easy as you think. After an hour of playing this slot machine-esque game, I keep ringing up iguana-iguana-skink or lizard-lizard-Newt Gingrich-no matches. Sigh. If anyone is lucky enough to strike Cuervo Gold, drop me an e-mail and tell me your secrets.

3:35 p.m.

OK, so maybe I am one of those foolhardy, trusting souls who honestly believes that one day a camera crew will come barging into my house while I'm wrapped in a ratty robe and curlers and present me with an oversized novelty check for $10 million. Hope like this keeps me alive and prevents me from spending my hard-earned cash on lottery tickets. So when I learned Publisher's Clearing House (http://www.pch.com) had finally made the leap online, I didn't even bother looking before I leapt to their site. Here, instead of waiting for those familiar brown envelopes in the mail, I can enter the big $10 million sweepstakes via an online form-with no limitations on the number of entries I submit. No more licking and sticking those tiny magazine covers on entry forms! Instead, according to the company's "This One's on the House" promotion, I simply choose which magazines I would like to sample. If I'm not satisfied with the magazine, all I have to do is write "cancel" on the invoice and the issue is free!

If it weren't for my Catholic guilt, I could probably be knee deep in reading material for weeks!

4:22 p.m.

I bet I could type my name with my eyes closed now, after submitting non-stop entries for the big money. I need a break from the monotony. Here's a contest designed for the creative and quick-witted provided by Miramax (http://www.miramax.com). Once registered, I can try my hand at movie trivia-which requires that I actually leave the house to go see a Miramax film and answer questions posed on the Web site. But the site also has a second contest, called "Caption This," that doesn't require shelling out eight bucks for a movie ticket. All you have to do is pen the most creative caption for the month's movie scene. Prizes range from cool clothes to cold cash.

4:44 p.m.

Now here's an online contest that's more my speed. The $urfpay Site (http://www.surfpay.com) sponsors a program that awards surfers cash prizes just for browsing specific Web sites. Once I register for $urfpay, I stand to earn money two different ways: (1) by winning the periodical online quiz at the $urfpay site, or (2) visiting selected Web sites and earning $urfpay points. If I have the most points at the end of the month, I win $250!

Of course, there are consolation "freebies" for runners-up and surfers who fall short of the winning total. Every month there is also a drawing where one can win a bit of cash. I register right away-it's nice to get paid for doing something I enjoy.

5:00 p.m.

I got into my mailbox for an unprecedented second time today-and just in time to answer my weekly e-mail trivia contest from Yoyodyne Entertainment (http://www.yoyo.com), a site sponsoring many e-mail trivia contests with prizes ranging from T-shirts to $500 cash prizes to Caribbean vacations. Eat your heart out, Bob Barker!

Today, there are seven contests open to anyone with an e-mail address. Test your knowledge of music with the Kick It! Music Trivia Game; experience a Jeopardylike game at Yoyo Central's General Trivia, with different categories each week; or join the latest game sponsored by United Media Syndicate-the Dilbert Trivia Contest offering valuable prizes such as Dilbert desk art and other collectibles. Well, Dogbert says they're valuable, anyway. Keep an eye out during each mailing for the weekly birthday contest-if your birthday and last two Social Security numbers are chosen, you win $500! A long shot, yes, but stranger things have happened. The KISS reunion, for one.

5:17 p.m.

My husband will be home soon, harried and wrinkled from another day of arguing with professors and wrestling with his dissertation. He's going to be tired, and he's going to want dinner. I'm sure I can fix something quick, but not before I check out one last contest-related Web site-one of my favorites-Riddler (http://www.riddler.com). This site is the one to rival all game shows, for it offers a variety of games to play and prizes to win. Surfers with Java-enhanced browsers can play trivia games with other Riddler members to win "prize caps" good toward laptop computers, selected hardcover bestsellers, and dream vacations, such as the nine-day expedition to Alaska up for grabs last fall. Collect the correct number of prize caps through one of six games (King of the Hill, Bloodhound, Mental Floss) and collect the prize. The best part? Even if you have won a prize (as I have in the past-a hardcover copy of the bestseller Neanderthal) you can continue playing and winning!

I check my inventory and notice that I am only 50 caps away from a Riddler logo mousepad, which I could use to replace the worn one I have, and I am 1000 caps shy of a year's subscription to the Britannia On-Line Service. Wouldn't that be nice?

6:00 p.m.

It is with a heavy heart, as well as a half-asleep gluteus maximus, that I close down Navigator and give my computer a well-deserved rest-until my next on-line scavenger hunt, which may be only a few hours away if my husband is strapped down tonight with another term paper. I have spent the equivalent of a day's work on the Internet today, registering for free items and thinking wishfully.

I can't say for sure how much money I saved today collecting free samples, or whether the odds of actually collecting from one of the many contests I entered are higher or lower than the odds of Arnold Schwarzenegger getting the lead in a Woody Allen film. But one thing's for sure: There will always be more. That's why I've bookmarked Scavenger's Quest (http://www.aracnet.com/~crow/sq/), one of the best online guides to free Internet samples. I also regularly check out Derek's Free Stuff Page (http://www.ft-wayne.com/freestuff.html), which has archived links not only to free samples but links to other "freebie" databases, and Supersilly's Free Stuff (http://www.thebbslist.com/free-page/supersilly.html).